It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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