i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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