So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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