She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
