what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Moan for me like Helen Keller
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
