I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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