I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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