I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
