I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i will never coherently bang her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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