Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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