So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
