Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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