He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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