So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
