He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
