At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
