Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
