Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
