I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
