mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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