it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
