covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Acid is not a monday night drug
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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