now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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