I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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