I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
