She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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