a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I would fuck him just for his dog
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
