if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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