Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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