I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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