Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
