nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
