The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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