Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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