So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
