I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Less talking, more tequila
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
