I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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