Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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