I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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