listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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