Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
