I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
