She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
