I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
