remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I want is dick and wine.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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