i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
