i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
