Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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