Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
