Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize