WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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