All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
