I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
