if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
