I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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