youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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