Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
