her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This baby is an asshole
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
