remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
