I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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