New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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