I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
