This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
