end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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