The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
