ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
