when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
