so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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