belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
