I want to have your abortion
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
