I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
