Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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