Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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