It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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