remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
