my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
