he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
