my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
