I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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