She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
